A Fortunate Marine

I can't believe so much time has passed since my last post!  Well, I can, but wow!

We had a full summer with Tim close by us and I was a blessed and lucky mom that he was close enough to me during his MOS training that I got to see him a handful of times and attend his graduation as well. 

Things are different now as he's a bit farther away, but I am thankful that at least we have telephones for talking and (of course) texting!

During his MOS, we (mainly me and my dad) seemed to "adopt" a couple other Marines along the way that weren't as fortunate to have family close by.  Actually, we were the only family that was able to make it to the graduation ceremony.  VERY nice!  But it was fun getting to know the boys and listening to their stories...and doubly interesting that they didn't have much of a filter when telling them.  Sometimes my dad and I would just quietly look at each other with wide eyes and somewhat hidden smiles.

Tim seems to enjoy what he's chosen to do job-wise, although I must say, it doesn't seem like he's actually had a lot of time to work.  They've been doing training, training, and more training.  When he talks about his job though, he speaks positively and talks about what he'd like to do after the Corps - along the lines of what he's currently doing.

I also think he's very fortunate because where he's stationed he is close to his uncle, my brother.  That lends itself to fun weekend trips and continuing to have that family bond close by.  Something that the majority of the young men and women don't have.

He hopes to come home in November, but I think many things dictate whether that will happen or not, but we are hopeful and no matter when it is, we're going to have on heck of a Thanksgiving/Christmas weekend celebration!

OOHRAH!

29 Days To Go!

I've been so wrapped up in preparation for our San Diego trip and Tim's Boot Grad party, that I have had no time to blog recently!  Oh, Blogger - and dear readers - , how I've missed you so! ;)  I am really becoming mildly addicted in a good way to blogging - and many times during the day all these thoughts go through my head and I think - I HAVE to remember that next time I blog!

Tim had recently begun Third Phase.  This began this week after his company's return from Pendleton for three weeks.  I'm guessing, as I won't find out for a few more weeks, that Pendleton was a pretty good time.  Word on the street was that the recruit's ate good up there and they got to shoot rifles....hmm, every man's dream, right? :) 

And today was their first uniform fitting for their Blues. How sharp he and all of his fellow Marines will look!  Technically I can say that because by that time he WILL be a Marine!

I get about 1 letter a week from Tim and they continue to show this growth that I could not have helped him achieve.  I read them over and over and just absorb them.  I love the fact that he's in such a positive frame of mind too.  He's motivated and encouraged - even when he doesn't want to be. :)  I just want to run up and hug the DIs when I see them - not sure if I actually will, but.... ;)

I've not had to worry about him at all while he's been gone.  I've missed him terribly, but I've had a relaxed mind, knowing he is in good hands.  Well, hold on, I need to kind of take that back....I was worried about Swim Week (before he left, I said, Tim - can you swim good? and he just kind of gave a little laugh and said, Yes Mom) - I was so glad to get the letter saying he did really good that week!  The other time I'm anxious for is the Crucible...wow - talk about some trials and tribulations that he'll go through for 54 hours. Sigh - BUT if he's made it THIS far, I KNOW he can finish the job!

So, I've not had to worry my head over my boy, and for that I'm thankful.  But I'm already starting to think about the future - and when I do, I try to pass it on and not dwell - but I am hoping that maybe if I get it out, it'll leave me be for a while.  When he comes home - will he get Recruiter's Assistant? Oh, I pray he does.  That gives us all a couple more weeks to spend with him.  If not, it'll be a short lightning fast 10 days.  When will I get to see him again?  Boot has been hard, but I've been able to look on the calendar and the Matrix and KNOW when I will get to see Tim again and KNOW the minimum time frame he will be home.  After his time home, I don't know when I will get a chance to see him again.  I guess the great and positive thing here is that at least we'll be able to talk on the phone and text.  Stay positive!  Ugh! But I'll stop there, because there's no sense at all getting too far into the future.

I'm going to love spending every moment I can with Tim and smile at him and listen to his every word and hang on to every story and cherish the time that he is home.

OOH-RAH!
Semper Fi!
Proud (soon to be) Marine Mom!

Half-Way There!

I can't believe it's been the 10th of February since my last post.  It seems life doesn't stop when you have a child in Boot that you are constantly thinking about, especially when you've got a high school senior to take care of here! ;)

I have to say, things are going well.  I miss Tim terribly, but I am getting these amazing letters from him.  All very uplifting and positive.  When I run to the box to get the mail, I always get that little flutter in my stomach, especially when inside I find a very thin, small white envelope with my name on it.  Those are my very favorite days.  Because even if it's not a "good" letter, it's a connection with him.  But since I've only had one "bad" letter, I feel I am blessed. 

Plans are beginning, even if only in my mind still of flying out, getting a hotel, and that "welcome home" party that I know he's looking forward to.

I wonder about what he's going to look like and how his mannerisms will have changed the next time I see him.  Of course, he's going to look like my Tim, but he'll be more "buff" and tone; he'll carry himself in a different way; and for a while when he sits down to eat a meal, he'll eat it as if it where his last, I'm sure. ☺ I'm looking forward to seeing "this" Tim.  I'm looking forward to getting to know him better.  You may be thinking, what the heck???  But the letters I have been receiving are showing this beautiful transformation into the person I'd always wanted him to be: positive, motivated, have a can-do/will-do attitude. He always had it in him - this I knew - but now he's getting it drawn out of him in a way I never could have done in my whole life.  This is such a life-changing experience for both of us.

I can't wait to hug and hold him and tell him how damn proud I am of him and the path he's chosen.  I am not a war person or a military person for that matter.  My dad served in Vietnam, as most; my uncles also served; Tim's dad was also in the Army.  but I don't consider myself a military person or from a hard core military family or background.  I never stressed this to him when he was growing up, but it would always come up now and again with him.  I always forgot about it, because I never thought he would honestly choose this path.  And believe me, being how I am with my thoughts and feelings about war, listening to stories of men and women who have fought, ans so on, I didn't want him to endure pain or have these visions in his head that he'll never shake.  Yes, I know! But it's me, being a protective mother.  As I told the recruiter when we were having our first visit - I've already lost his dad. I will NOT lose my boy too.  And Tim and I fought and fought over him going in.  That's the real reason it took him so long to do it - he was only honoring my wishes...and he was miserable and he was being drug down a path to nowhere.  Finally, I had to let him go.  Now it was time for me to honor HIS wish.  And I have, and I haven't looked back and MY whole mindset has changed.  I'm still not a war person, but I have always and will always continue to support our troops in all cases.  Funny how you think of things differently when you're tossed in a situation.  Funny how you fight it and fight it, only to be shown, when you surrender that it was probably the best thing to do from the beginning.

Oh, life, you are so "funny" at times....

Almost to Phase Two

Today was a tough day for me.  Tim's letter was one of the few "rainbows" that I had.  It was just one of those "crap days" that you run around, get nothing accomplished, and think "I could really be doing something productive rather than (fill in the blank)".
I was so so happy when I saw his handwriting on the envelope - yay!  But then hesitation.  Last time he wrote me, it wasn't a very positive one.  Well, it was, but not in a "tim" kinda way....and I read it in the car as soon as I got it.  I was thinking - Should I do it again?  Hell yes!!! ☺  I ripped into that baby and relished every word, every smiley face, every "haha" that it had inside.  He's very excited that they are almost moved into Phase Two!!  That's great!!  One day closer to becoming a Marine.  One day closer to graduation.

Yes, he's having challenges.  That's expected.  Yes, he's missing home.  That too, is expected.  But as the day went on, and my frustrations grew and everything just went crazy - definitely opposite of the way I wanted it to go.  This was, as me and a couple of girlfriends call it, a Blue Moon kind of day.  I couldn't wait to get situated in the house, and sit down and reread Tim's letter a couple of times, then write him answering every bit of what he said.  It's stuck in the envelope ready to go out tomorrow....

But golly, shwew!!!  I find myself "dwelling" today.  And you know as well as I do, that I can't be doing that.  Part of it was the "crap friggin day" - part of it was that NOTHING went my way - part of it was that as I relaxed tonight, I grabbed some wine, cut up some veggies, and read and wrote letters to my Tim. 

I know I'm going to have these days where I miss his smile, his giggle.  And I find myself thinking "You damn Drill Instructors better not take my boy completely away (((as tears stream down my face now))).  My sweet sweet tender hearted boy.  My boy that loves animals and cried to me when his "buddy" was put down at the animal rescue site he worked at while he was doing his community service.  My boy that loves to share funny videos and stories with me.  My boy that has this most amazing smile.  My boy that will be such a wonderful father one day.

As he grows into the Marine he will soon be and go through the trials and tribulations of an American Soldier, I pray to Jesus that He keep Tim safe, his mind mentally free of "bad things", and that he stay, even as a man, a little bit of that baby boy that I hold so dear to my heart.

Whooooo....what a tough day.  No more dwelling.

Until next time....

Connection!

Oh, how I love "connecting".  Tim and I spent a month or so having "connect time" where it was just me and him and we went for some mexican and would catch up.  We did this once a week, usually on a Sunday, and it was Mom and Tim Time.  I loved it, but it was during an emotional roller coaster time and after a while, it waned. 

We had awesome "connect time" the week or so before he left.  I may have said this in a previous blog post, but one morning we were sitting at Bob Evans having breakfast, and I told him that my plan had almost backfired.  Meaning, I was spending all of this time during the day with him; we would have coffee and talk, I'd watch him play Xbox, etc., but boy was I getting used to being around him.  I loved it so much and I felt that it did a flip flop on me and was going to make me miss him even that much more when  he left!  When I told him that, he smiled at me from across the table and did his little laugh and said, "I know, cause we've been spending so much time together".  So, he got it and understood - good.

I absolutely loved Thursday evening!  I received "the letter" from him in the mail.  Oh, that "connection" of just seeing his handwriting!  It made me feel relieved.  It made me feel peaceful.  And after I read all that it contained, it made me feel relaxed.  Thursday night I slept better than I had in months.

Enclosed in this letter was three things:  the brochure from the MCRD for graduation and travel, the printed letter from Tim's SDI (Senior Drill Instructor), and the "letter" from Tim.  It kind of makes me laugh a little because it's literally a form type of letter starting out with Dear ________, where he wrote "mom" and then he signed it below and added a PS.

I can't tell you how many times I've looked at this letter, looked at his writing, and just LOOKED at it.  Is that weird??  You, the reader, may think it is or not, either way, it makes no difference to me.  I finally have that connection with my boy and I ended up not having to wait as long as I had thought. :)

I love how it says: I am fine and in good health; it lists things he cannot receive while there; and how it says to not send money - that he'll be making enough money to cover all his expenses; that he apologizes for the shortness of the letter, but he promises to write more later (all pre-printed ).  And then, as I said, his signature and PS.

And I must say that when I read the letter from the SDI, I felt GOOD.  I felt that this person has my son's best interest at heart.  That he and the other DIs will be pushing him to be better and achieve things that Tim probably would never be able to do on his own - let's face it - without being MADE to do it; without being EXPECTED to do it.  It's completely different when it's mom telling you to do something or your DI "telling" you to do something!

He's going to be halfway through his first phase in the next couple of days - the lonliest and most frustrating part of Boot - and once he's through that, I think (hope) that he'll just excel.  Oh, how I would love (?) to be a fly on the wall in his barracks.  But, moreso, I wish I could be next to him, just for a seond and whisper in his ear - "You got this, Tim.  I know you can do it and so does everyone else."

He and my brother think that I worry about Tim too much.  So, given that statement - maybe Tim's enjoying life right now; thinking this is great; already excelling in all that he's doing.  Possibly so - I hope he feels his own "connections" with his new lifelong buddies and they are helping each other get through this new chapter in each of their lives. 

THAT'S the way I want it to be for him.......I guess we will soon find out......

Until next time....

First Week Almost Done

It seems like life is full of count downs.  We count down to birthdays, vacations, end of school semesters.  Like we don't really live in the moment (or maybe we do), but regardless, we're always looking forward to something in the future.

Tim is a huge "counter-downer".  Always has been - always will be.  I doubt highly even the Marines can take that out of him.  Shoot, lots of times, he would turn me into a "counter-downer" too.  I would always tease him because he'd come up to me and just say - "Hey Mom! 29 days!" And I'd look at him quizically, thinking quickly in my head - "What the heck is coming up that he's counting down too?"  Sometimes it would be easy, like his birthday.  Other times, it would be more difficult and random, like days til he put in his two week notice at Kelly's Butcher Shop...LOL. It does crack me up and like I said, I tease him about it sometimes and just say "You are such a "counter-downer".  That's so funny.  You make me laugh."

So, I'm sure he's already begun doing this.  Like 101% sure.  Life changed for him pretty drastically last week.  He's been "best friends" with his DI for probably 48 hours or so now - lol.  (**And as a side note: I have to laugh and not dwell on these types of things, or my mind just starts wandering.....)  But this Monday, according to the Training Matrix, he'll be issued his M-16.  His NEW girlfriend that he'll have to keep immaculate and pretty much be attached to the hip with.  My point?  He's probably counting down to that - at least in his head.

And, as you can see, I too have caught on to the fine art of counting down.  I filled out most of my house calendar with his activities (so it wouldn't be only me that would be able to partake...).  And I woke up this morning thinking about Tim and that his first week is almost over - 12 weeks to go! ☺ Hmmm, does he get that from me?  Maybe I was a "supressive counter-downer" never letting it show until now....lol

Surprisingly, this week has been easier than I had expected.  I had my "down time", but I had it, then had to let it go and get on with my day.  Am I always going to be able to do that?  Gee, that would be nice, and I'd really love that, however, I am human, so think that those bad times will hang around a little longer some days. 

Oh, it does so help that the sun has been shining the last few days.  I'm definitely a sunshine kinda gal - and too much gloom does affect my mood (sorry).  But I have been keeping really busy - and that's what I lend my decent mood and lack of depression to.  If I'm not on a Marine website, learning about what Tim's doing, I'm watching videos SEEING what Tim's doing.  Or I'm trying to connect on Facebook with old friends, new friends, think of how I can be a better person and part of this world. 

Like the other day, I donated $10 to Cup of Joe for a Joe "hosted" by Green Beans ( http://www.greenbeanscoffee.com/coj/ ).  Since, I'm currently unemployed and have to watch my pennies quite a bit more, I'm not heading out for coffee much and I'm making it at home.  SOOO, with the money I've been saving, I figured I could donate $10 - which would get me less than 3 Grande Caramel Machiatto's from Starbuck's - and give 5, yes 5, cups of coffee to 5 troops overseas.  Maybe that's not much to you, but it might make their morning or day and put a smile on their faces.  And that makes me happy.  Makes me feel like I'm doing something good.  It keeps me motivated and keeps my head (and my mood) on straight.

I'm also diving head on into my home business.  I've slacked terribly and feel that this is the time to get moving with that again.  And why not?  My products ALSO make people smile and feel good - and that makes me happy! ☺  Not to mention, will help me get out to San Diego and wherever else I may need to travel to get to visit Tim.  (**Second side note: I've learned as far as "jobs" go, you sure can't count on a company to take care of you; can't put all your eggs in one basket. I've learned that.)  So, I'm jumping back into it with both feet and I have to tell you that it feels so good!

So, as Tim begins his second week of Boot Camp (in 2 days - ha!), I will be counting down right along with him.  Care to join me?  Ha!

Until next time...

Boot Camp - Day One

I'm calling it Boot Camp - even though it hasn't officially started yet.  the first few days they get all their Marine stuff and I believe tomorrow he will meet his wonderful Drill Instructors.

Yesterday, we were able to head to St. Louis MEPS station to watch him (and MANY others) swear in, see him for a short short time, then take a couple pics and say goodbye for 13 weeks.  I was fine until I saw his eyes get red (that's what happens before he cries).  Then it stopped - he didn't cry.  He hugged us and when I hugged him, I kissed his cheek twice and whispered to him "I love you, I'll miss you.  Now go be that shining star you were always meant to be."  He did a quick "heehee" and smiled at me.  Remember, Tim - be that shining star!

He arrived last night in San Diego.  I don't know what time, but I received "the call" from him last night about 10:30 pm.  Normally my phone is on vibrate, but not yesterday - I had it way turned up because I had no idea what time he would be calling me, letting me know he got there.  I stayed up later, feeling a little anxious, then feeling sleep coming on too strong, i turned my phone up one more notch.  I did not want to miss it - although, to be honest part of me wanted it to go to voice mail so that I could save it and listen to him over and over when I got lonely! Ha!

So, I answered the phone to shouting in the background.  Loud shouts!  then all of a sudden, there's my boy, shouting to me as the other boys were to their moms and dads and significant others saying they had arrived safely, that I should be expecting to get an address in about 2-3 weeks, that fhe appreciates my support, he loves me and good bye.  Click.  Wow!  Not quite what I was expecting.  I was expecting the call.  I was expecting him to be maybe a little loud.  I was not expecting the I love you being tossed in there (such a nice addition, USMC!).  I did not expect the loud Marine soldier voice.  I did not at all expect all the noise in the background.  I figured I'd get a call, scripted as I knew it would be with no noise.

After he hung up (and I don't even think he heard me tell him I loved him - I highly doubt that), I laid in bed and wondered what the hell was going through his head at that time, what was he wearing, if he had his glasses yet.  How many friends have you made?  Did you get any sleep on the plane since you're going to be up for the next couple of days straight??  I sure hope so.  Thoughts swirling through my head!  I tried to "read" his voice, but of course, when he's barking this script at me, it's a little difficult.

I hope he has a great time and learns everything they are going to teach him and more.  I hope that he comes out of it a better person and eventually a better man.  I hope he surrounds himself with good people (like I told him to do before he left - you know, when I thought I had control ☺) - people that wil encourage and lift him up and challenge him to be better - and for him to also be able to provide that to his new friends.

So, today is a good day.  A day of thankfulness and a day of futures beginning.

Wow, Tim, I am so proud of you.  More than I can ever tell you - more than you'll ever believe....