Today was a tough day for me. Tim's letter was one of the few "rainbows" that I had. It was just one of those "crap days" that you run around, get nothing accomplished, and think "I could really be doing something productive rather than (fill in the blank)".
I was so so happy when I saw his handwriting on the envelope - yay! But then hesitation. Last time he wrote me, it wasn't a very positive one. Well, it was, but not in a "tim" kinda way....and I read it in the car as soon as I got it. I was thinking - Should I do it again? Hell yes!!! ☺ I ripped into that baby and relished every word, every smiley face, every "haha" that it had inside. He's very excited that they are almost moved into Phase Two!! That's great!! One day closer to becoming a Marine. One day closer to graduation.
Yes, he's having challenges. That's expected. Yes, he's missing home. That too, is expected. But as the day went on, and my frustrations grew and everything just went crazy - definitely opposite of the way I wanted it to go. This was, as me and a couple of girlfriends call it, a Blue Moon kind of day. I couldn't wait to get situated in the house, and sit down and reread Tim's letter a couple of times, then write him answering every bit of what he said. It's stuck in the envelope ready to go out tomorrow....
But golly, shwew!!! I find myself "dwelling" today. And you know as well as I do, that I can't be doing that. Part of it was the "crap friggin day" - part of it was that NOTHING went my way - part of it was that as I relaxed tonight, I grabbed some wine, cut up some veggies, and read and wrote letters to my Tim.
I know I'm going to have these days where I miss his smile, his giggle. And I find myself thinking "You damn Drill Instructors better not take my boy completely away (((as tears stream down my face now))). My sweet sweet tender hearted boy. My boy that loves animals and cried to me when his "buddy" was put down at the animal rescue site he worked at while he was doing his community service. My boy that loves to share funny videos and stories with me. My boy that has this most amazing smile. My boy that will be such a wonderful father one day.
As he grows into the Marine he will soon be and go through the trials and tribulations of an American Soldier, I pray to Jesus that He keep Tim safe, his mind mentally free of "bad things", and that he stay, even as a man, a little bit of that baby boy that I hold so dear to my heart.
Whooooo....what a tough day. No more dwelling.
Until next time....
No comments:
Post a Comment